Book Review: Mindfulness and Hypnosis
The Power of Suggestion to Transform Experience By M. Yapko (2011) – W.W Norton and Co. (New York and London)
Michael D. Yapko’s most recent book, is a treasure chest of inspiration and a must read for every aspiring Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist. Here, Yapko has lighted on the recent interest in the ancient Buddhist meditation of Mindfulness, which has been shown to be so successful in the treatment of recurrent depression and related anxiety problems.
In his usual style he goes straight to the point and explains his rationale simply and clearly, without obfuscating and without over reaching.
He draws a distinction between the practice of meditation as an individual pursuit, seen by some as a spiritual quest, or a strategy for self-help, and the clinical use of guided mindfulness meditation, GMM, as a interpersonal approach to emotional, cognitive and behavioural change.
The simplicity of Yapko’s approach is summarised as follows, “The very first thing you learn when you study hypnosis is this: What you focus on, you amplify. If I ask you to be aware of the sensations right now in your right hand, such as its temperature, the pressure or weight of anything you might be holding, or whatever else you might become aware of related to that hand, you can focus your attention increasingly on that hand and really become aware of it, and while you do so, you have no awareness of your left foot, until I draw your attention to it.” (Page 29)
In various ways, Yapko demonstrates the benefits of focussing awareness, to the exclusion of all else, and the practise of this strategy as a way of achieving change. CBH uses hypnosis for a variety of purposes from assessment to belief change, and so we are well used to focussing the awareness of our clients in this way. But Yapko uses this phenomenon to achieve an elegant approach to treatment.
“If you know the phrase, ‘he only sees what he wants to see,’ then you are already aware that people can notice what they choose to notice. By implication, we can also not notice what we choose not to notice. This perceptual phenomenon is referred to as selective attention, that is, the ability to focus on one portion of an experience while turning out the rest.” (Page 125)
By helping clients to recognise that they are paying selective attention to the events on their lives, past, present and future, we can help them to expand their awareness of those things that they habitually ignore or ‘turn out’, thereby restoring a balance, and improving emotional health.
There is much here to inspire, and a wealth of practical material for those already practicing and for those just starting out.
Ian Martin, Dec, 2011.
Book Review: Act with Love
Russ Harris, 2009, New Harbinger Publications, Oakland
ACT with Love
I was looking for new ideas for helping people in the workplace to resolve their interpersonal problems, and this book was one of those Beverley Harper included in her recommended book list at the end of the CCBH Diploma course. I very much liked it. I was able to use some ideas to help people sort out their problems with colleagues. However, the book is more useful for improving couples’ lives together. It is aimed at couples whose relationship is ‘in reasonable shape’ or in ‘bad shape’, people who are not currently in a relationship but want to learn what went wrong in their previous ones, or for therapists looking for ideas how to work with relationship issues.
The volume is divided into three parts. It looks at what goes wrong in relationships, what commitment means if you want to make the relationship work, what kind of partner you want to be and how mindfulness can help you to handle your thoughts and feelings better. The basic principles of ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) are used, and you are taught how to apply them to make relationships work. LOVE is used as an acronym for ‘Letting go’, ‘Opening up’, ‘Valuing’ and ‘Engaging’. It encourages you to develop ‘psychological flexibility’, an ability to adapt to a situation with openness, awareness and focus, and to take action guided by your values.
Since reading the book I have been very motivated to help people with relationship issues, but unfortunately haven’t found the right situation to be able to test out the ideas yet, so cannot tell you if they work! The exercises at the end of each chapter are designed to be used with a partner (‘If your partner is willing’), but also give useful ideas for the therapist for the homework assignments for clients – with or without a partner. I agree with the book’s claim that ‘it gives realistic hope without promising too much or raising false expectations’. The language is easy to read, light hearted but doesn’t neglect the basic principles of ACT. What I would have liked to see more is the preventative side – how to build a good relationship from the beginning, and be prepared to share your life with someone you love – not waiting for things to go wrong first! Because of the practical aspects of the book, I think it could also be very useful as a resource with groups.
So thank you, Beverley, for your great booklist!
Lea Clark
Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist
60 Seconds with Avy Joseph
Avy Joseph, CCBH Co-founder and Course Director
60 Seconds with Avy Joseph
What inspired you to become a therapist?
A desire to understand why we feel as we do and how we can change that, plus a genuine interest in people and a desire to help.
When did you first hear about REBT?
When I did my first course in counselling skills over two decades ago. I saw a video called ‘Gloria’ about a patient who went to see different counsellors who each specialised in a different counselling model. Ellis was one of them and I remember thinking ‘now that’s interesting’
Ellis or Beck and why?
Both are great thinkers. For me it is Ellis most of the time. He put forward a philosophical as well as scientific theory that resonated with me immediately. It’s very persuasive. It makes sense and clients understand it. You can work with symptoms as well as learning a philosophy of healthy thinking. It is empowering and freeing when you apply it. It doesn’t shy away from facing the worst case scenario but it helps you deal with it in a balanced and healthy way.
Favourite Ellis (or other) quote?
I want what I want, but I don’t absolutely need it.
What element of the CBH philosophy most resonates with you?
That we create our problems by the way we continue to think and behave. It’s not the past that causes the problem but whatever unhealthy beliefs we are maintaining and living by today. I also enjoy the humour in it, it’s one of the most effective ways to help us to see the irrationality of our demands!
What inspires you?
Lots of things. Seeing people achieve their goals through hard work and persistence, ideas, music, friends, students, clients, seeing something truly beautiful like the Grand Canyon. I could go on and on. So much in life and on Earth to draw inspiration from.
If you weren’t a therapist, what would you be?
I’d be a Doctor.
How do you unwind at the end of the day?
Cooking, eating too much, watching rubbish TV. Heaven.
Investing in your relationships
Christmas can be a tough time for many people, either triggering problems or highlighting existing problems in relationships, not just with distant family who we may only see at Christmas time, but on our relationships with our close family. It’s therefore no surprise that January is the most popular time for a couple to file for divorce in the UK – not a great start to the New Year is it?
Invest in your relationships
It’s common for most of us at one point on another to have experienced difficulties or challenges in our personal relationships. While these feelings are common, and on the whole, not an issue, its once they become entrenched or habitual when real issues start to arise, such as experiencing anxiety, irrationality, anger, hurt, depression and unhealthy jealousy. Once we start to experience these feelings, that run in to Christmas can take us to breaking point – hence November being the most popular month for couples to start talking to solicitors…
Divorce Rates
It’s quite well documented that divorce rates are on the rise, and this trend hasn’t changed with 2010 seeing 119,589 divorces in England and Wales, up from 113,949 in 2009. The numbers are highest amongst couples in their early 40s, typically between the age of 40 and 44, with the most popular reason for divorce often given as unreasonable behaviour.
Christmas period
Couples who are struggling find that the onset of the Christmas period really doesn’t help. Everything that comes with the festive season results in increased financial demands being made on couples, as well as having to spend more time together and with the in-laws.
Combine all these facts and feelings with the fact that the festive season provides people with time to reflect and make a final decision on the state of their marriage; it’s perhaps no surprise then that final applications for divorce are made in January.
Financial climate
The current financial climate has a role to play – not only in adding pressure to our daily lives (money matters always adds strain on relationships) but also by influencing our decision about divorce. Many couples feel forced to stick together simply because they cannot afford to get a divorce. This recent trend though is probably set to change, as there seems to be no end of the economic gloom, couples wish to take control back of their lives and are starting to prepare to cut their losses.
How do things get that far?
The majority of couples get married with no fear of a possible end in sight – which is how things should be, however the stresses of modern life, financial pressures and general day to day life make us often forget the more important things in life. It’s normal to face challenges in our relationships, these challenges are common place, and in many ways help us grow as a couple. But challenges that we don’t overcome, or ignore are dangerous. Negative feelings are common place, but once they become entrenched in our daily lives and become the “norm”, then real issues have started to appear with any relationship.
It’s common to experience hurt where you think that your partner’s insensitive behaviour towards you implies lack of care or love. It’s also common to experience guilt regarding your past behaviours and wrong doings. Many individuals may also feel anxiety about a whole host of reasons, ranging from anxiety about irrational jealousy to anxiety about our partner’s anger. So you see there are so many things to deal with when we look at relationships – what’s important is that we deal with these feelings sooner rather than later. For some, divorce may be the only safe and viable option, for others, a little time and investment back into their relationships is all that is needed.
Relationships that are generally successful and work well in the long term tend to have the following ingredients; good communication between the partners, compatibility and shared values and last but not least emotional stability of the partners. It is more likely than not that love will last in a healthy way this way.
Addressing our emotional state
At the heart of CBT and CBH is a belief that our thoughts and beliefs are the key drivers of our emotional state and cause our behaviours. If your thoughts or beliefs about your partner are unhealthy, then your relationship will become unhealthy. Essentially the message is that we are responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, our behaviours and the types of relationships that we tolerate. When we don’t take responsibility, it will more than likely be projected onto our partner – with you now believing that they are the cause of these feelings.
So some basic techniques from CBT which you may find helpful as a starting point are listed below:
- Accept that you are responsible for your own emotions and actions
- Communicate without pointing a finger, use expressions like, “I feel angry about…” and not “You made me angry about…”
- Accept yourself as a valuable but imperfect human being. Judge your behaviour rather than your worth, for example, accept you are a fallible person, but you can learn from your mistakes
- Be assertive but not aggressive. Communicate thoughts and feelings appropriately and not defensively
- Always keep in mind the bigger picture and remember to focus on your partner’s good qualities.
Helping with Insomnia
Many of us suffer with Insomnia or a form of sleep disturbance. For many of us this sleep disturbance is a short phase, at a particular time in our lives, but for others it can be a chronic condition. Deprived sleep can make us feel tired, lack lustre, and sometimes unable to face the day, but it is strongly linked with anxiety and depression. So what can you do?
How do you deal with Insomnia
Drugs not the only solution
Often the first thing many of us do when facing long term sleep disturbance is turn to sleeping tablets, particularly for short bouts of insomnia. However, if your insomnia continues for longer periods, then it may be more effective to address the underlying causes of your insomnia. We have to remember that each of us are unique, so what is causing my sleep disturbance, is not necessarily the same cause of yours…
If there underlying psychological reasons behind your insomnia, CBH (Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy) /CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) helps you address these reasons (possibly in combination with medication). Using CBH in this way can also help people move away from medication dependency when dealing with longer bouts of insomnia. In a recent BBC article by Tim Muffet, the use of CBT for treating insomnia is investigated and highlights the call by many experts for the Government to do more – in making CBT and CBH more easily available to people suffering with insomnia.
How to improve your sleep – a master class
Our minds are powerful tools, and as such have massive influences over everything in our lives, including our sleeping patterns. But the mind is complex, and reading an article on addressing insomnia isn’t going to fix your sleeping issues alone. Because of this, there are classes available to help you take control of your insomnia and tackle sleep deprivation.
The College of Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy (CCBH) in London runs all manner of Master Class workshops, helping people deal with a range of issues, from anxiety and depression to sports performance and insomnia.
On May 20th, 2012, CCBH will be holding a one day Master Class in “Improving your Sleep”. In the master class you will discover the main causes of sleep disturbance and how to change your mindset and improve your sleeping experience. There are many factors that influence sleep and this workshop will help you identify them and deal with them. Using CBH you will learn effective techniques and strategies that all help improve sleep patterns.
Improving your sleep supports a healthy lifestyle and helps combat stress – learning how to turn off that inner chatter and still the mind is a valuable skill in our ever changing lives of the 21st century. The master class will teach proven methods that will enable you to relax rest and sleep refreshingly to achieve a greater sense of well being and health.
So if you are suffering with insomnia or some form of sleep disturbance, then we would recommend trying CBT and CBH. This will provide you with the tools to tackle this problem over and over again in the future.
For more information on the CCBH master class “improving your sleep”, please visit http://www.ccbh.org.uk or call 0207 034 7049
Merry Christmas and Happy 2012
Christmas is upon us, so from all of us here at The Hypnotherapy Team and the College of Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy (CCBH), have a great Christmas and enjoy the new year. Remember what Christmas is all about, invest in your relationships, have realistic expectations and enjoy…
We look forward to seeing you all in 2012…
Christmas Holiday Anxiety
Once we get past November the 5th and our firework displays, our mind soon focuses on Christmas. What to get the kids? What to get for your secret Santa? Who is visiting who for Christmas day or Boxing Day? How much food should we get in? Hmmm….Oh and do we have the money for all this?
Christmas is a very unique time of the year. For the majority of us it’s a time of great excitement and expectation. However, it’s also a time associated with high anxiety and dread. This year, with the current tough economic climate having a big impact on our wallets, many of us are experiencing worries about just how much Christmas will cost. Handling that Christmas budget can turn an occasion that should be of celebration into one of great stress.
Have realistic Christmas Expectations
Expectations
Christmas is a time of great expectations. We are aware of gift and entertainment expectations from our kids, from our friends and family and this can be fuelled even more by peer pressure. We even place on ourselves great expectation, for example providing that perfect Christmas lunch (see our post on dealing with a stress free Christmas lunch – http://thehypnotherapyteam.wordpress.com/2011/12/02/10-tips-for-a-stress-free-christmas-lunch/)
We demand that perfect Christmas experience, and ensure this Christmas is just “how it should be!” Demanding of ourselves that everyone should be able to get what they want at Christmas, and also what we want them to have, places greater strain on our budget. That drive for the perfect Christmas often sees us making decisions with our hearts and not our minds, placing too much on our flexible friends, the credit card.
Don’t get caught up in the hype
At Christmas it’s very easy to get caught up in all the glitzy shop windows, the gifts, and the luxury food. Getting caught up in the hype can be dangerous. If we do end up placing too much on our credit cards, we find that the New Year is not such as happy one, as we start it with added debt to deal with.
Through all the hype it’s very easy to miss the actual point of Christmas. Rather than investing in gifts, shouldn’t we be investing in our relationships?
What to do
First off we must all recognise our own situation and that the economic situation is affecting most people. Accept this reality and reduce your Christmas expectations accordingly. Most families when presented with the actual facts, that times are tough, are highly supportive and understanding. It is when we try to deny the reality we are in that issues arise. By trying to hide stress and tension, families often start to fail to communicate and are denied the opportunity to be supportive and caring for each other, and isn’t that one of the deeper meanings we all search for at Christmas? If Children are told they cannot have this year’s latest computer games console but are also given a reason as to why, they are able to respond with understanding and love. Most children are not obsessed with “things” at Christmas, but the attention and time spent with their family away from the usual work routine is something they care about.
By accepting reality; reducing unrealistic expectations and demands; by not getting lost in all the Christmas hype, we are able to budget for Christmas accordingly. We can invest heavily in our relationships, and ensure this Christmas is a highly rewarding one, while at the same time, remove anxiety and the stress associated to money and debt issues that could otherwise start 2012.
Christmas family strain
How many films have been made all about the stress of family life over the Christmas period? Quite a few. Many of these films are comedies, and most end with everyone enjoying their family Christmas. But the reason we find these films so funny, is because we can relate to that Christmas family stress all too easily.
Family can be a real strain at Christmas
On a serious note, many of us actually get highly stressed and feel anxious about Christmas, and these anxieties maybe about one of the following:
- A need to have everything run perfectly and for everyone to appreciate your efforts
- A need for other people to show the manners that you expect them to have
- A need for everything to be easy and comfortable
You may have just read that list and thought to yourself these are all reasonable expectations. But if you are feeling anxious about any of them, then something isn’t right…
What’s reasonable?
It is reasonable to want things to run perfectly. It is reasonable to want all family members to appreciate your efforts. It’s reasonable to want all family members to behave appropriately and it is reasonable to want everything to be easy and comfortable. Anxiety is, however, triggered when you transform your wants and desires into needs and demands. When this happens, everything HAS to be the way you want it or else.
This type of thinking is at the heart of anxiety and stress, and at Christmas time, this can be amplified. At Christmas you become anxious about family members who are not acting warmly towards one another; or family members you may have problems with; or family members who behave in a passive aggressive or discourteous manner; or family members who do not chip in and help or simply a family member you just don’t like very much. It’s these scenarios that we find in many Christmas films, and they are scenarios we all relate to on some level.
How to manage those anxieties
If you find you are anxious or stressed about any of those family scenarios or issues, then how do you manage that anxiety? Well here are a few pointers that will help you manage your anxieties better:
- Accept imperfection. No one is perfect and your Christmas day does not HAVE to be absolutely perfect. Remembering this will help you feel more relaxed.
- While it would be fantastic that everyone showed appreciation, you certainly do not need it to have a great time. It’s not a reflection on your worth, unless you make it so. If you do, then you will feel stressed, so don’t judge yourself negatively.
- Remember that you don’t control other people. If someone acts in a way that you are not happy with, don’t get too stressed about it, rather address the situation, calmly but firmly explaining why that behaviour is unacceptable. Remember, if it’s not a major thing in the scheme of things, you can choose to tolerate it.
- You are in control of what you say and do. Imagine the things you are worried about, and think in advance of ways in which you can deal with those things. Most of the time anxiety is maintained because we spend mental energy trying to ensure the bad things don’t happen.
- If you really aren’t looking forward to being with a particular family member, then remember that it’s only for a limited time.
- Always remember the bigger picture and meaning of Christmas. The message is always there – celebration, peace and good will to all. Make sure you don’t lose sight of this.
- Focus on what’s important, by doing this it enables us to handle tensions and stress far better
Our unrealistic expectations are often provoke Christmas stress.. So set realistic expectations and look to enjoy the Christmas period, with family and friends.
Merry Christmas…
A Happy Survey
Recently in a survey we held with Top Sante, we attempted to measure people’s happiness. A tricky one you may wonder, how do you measure happiness? Well to answer that, we need to know what happiness is.
How happy are you?
Happiness is a reactive response to circumstances – we aren’t happy, for example, when we stub our toe. Often “happiness” measurements in the field of psychology are a measure of wellbeing or our quality of life. Demanding to be in a constant state of happiness is just not possible – it’s essentially inconsistent with our own reality. So in essence, “happiness” is a choice we make about how we feel about our quality of life and our wellbeing, both mentally and physically. With this in mind, we were able to create a number of questions, grouped together, in order to measure our ”happiness”.
Here are some interesting points from the survey….
Cheerful and in good spirits
One of the questions within the survey made a basic statement, “I feel cheerful and in good spirits”, to which the respondents had 6 options to answer. A good result from this question was that no one answered “Almost Never” to this statement, phew. Interestingly the majority of those questioned (38%) opted for the “Somewhat Frequently” response, while 18% answered “Almost Always” – lucky them…
Curiously as we get older it seems we are more likely to opt for the ”Somewhat Frequently” response, with 10 times as many 36-40 year olds opting for this response compared with 18-25 year olds.
I enjoy new activities
Our happiness is not just about our emotional health and well-being, it’s also about our physical well-being. To get a sense of physical well-being, our survey asked how much “I enjoy new activities”.
Here it seems the younger we are, the more likely we are to enjoy new activities, perhaps that saying “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” comes from us not wanting to try new things as we get older. However, these results could also mean that as we get older we know what we enjoy and equally, we know the kinds of activities we won’t enjoy. Again, the ”Somewhat Frequently” response was the most popular (38% respondents selecting this option).
Feel how you think
When unpleasant, frustrating things happen, we can hold two sets of beliefs about them. Healthy or rational ones lead us to feel sad, annoyed perhaps even regretful, while unhealthy or irrational beliefs lead us to feel anxious, depressed or self denigrating. If we have healthy beliefs, then we will be able to move on, and be happy again.
Another important aspect to our emotional and mental well-being is monitoring our progress in life. It’s good for us to set regular time for personal reflection, to check how we are doing and to ensure we haven’t regressed into some old habits, or ways of thinking we are trying not to do. If we are progressing well, then we will be happier with our day to day lives and our accomplishments.
The way in which we think, is the way we feel. So essentially, we are saying that happiness is a choice you can make…
10 Tips for a stress free Christmas Lunch
Christmas can be a tough time, the office party (not embarrassing yourself), flying elbows while doing your Christmas shopping, and of course, planning and cooking your Christmas lunch – especially if you have family and friends coming to yours!
Christmas Lunch. Don't let it stress you out...
The whole idea of the Christmas Lunch can actually cause a lot of anxiety and stress, as we try to ensure that everything goes perfectly. So here are our top 10 tips…
- Plan realistically. Don’t demand perfection with your Christmas lunch, and in any case, what would perfection be? We recommend you adjust your expectations to what is reasonable on the day, taking into consideration Christmas Eve and morning, and how long you want to spend preparing and cooking on Christmas day…
- Reflect on past experiences. Reflecting on past experiences will help you form good plans. We all learn from mistakes and experiences in our past, Christmas lunch is no different. Remember shortcuts that have worked in the past, and how you and others, have managed the excesses of Christmas spirit.
- Have a contingency plan. Obviously, worst case scenario, something goes horribly wrong, you have a power cut, the Turkey has been cremated or it all simply goes “belly up”. So, have a backup menu, something you know doesn’t take long, and is enjoyed by you and your guests. No matter what, you will be sitting down to Christmas lunch with a smile.
- Remember not everyone will like everything. Everyone has different tastes and things they like and don’t like. Whatever they don’t like or leave, is in no way a reflection on you or your food. (I won’t eat the sprouts for example).
- Don’t take it all too seriously. Enjoy the day, relax, don’t take lunch too seriously or yourself.
- Ask for help. If you need help, then ask for it…
- Remember the kids. Ensure children are catered for (within reason). Also remember to have something to occupy them. Christmas day is really exciting, so it’s unrealistic to expect them to sit through Christmas lunch, being rather well behaved (though desirable).
- Who cares if you have forgotten something? If you forget something, then don’t let it bother you, it’s not the end of the world or a complete catastrophe unless YOU think it so.
- Keep perspective. Remember this is only lunch! It doesn’t HAVE to be perfect we are human and fallible after all.
- Christmas is about celebration. Remember Christmas is about celebration of family and Christian values, enjoy the day no matter what. “Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. And over all these virtues put on love, which blinds them all together in perfect unity”.
So there you have it, our top 10 hints and tips on enjoying a stress free Christmas lunch. We hope you all have an enjoyable Christmas and New Year…
