Tag Archives: Emotional Blog Series

Emotion Blog Series #3: Anger and Annoyance

19 Jul

Unhealthy Anger is an unhealthy negative emotion provoked by holding an unhealthy belief or attitude about  i) you or another breaking your non moral rule  or ii) a threat to your self esteem or  iii) you experiencing frustration.

Healthy Anger or Annoyance is a healthy negative emotion provoked by holding a belief or attitude about i) you or another breaking your non moral rule or ii) a threat to your self esteem or iii) you experiencing frustration.

Anger is an unhealthy emotion but a natural one. Annoyance is a healthy anger

Anger is a common emotion and we all experience it.  There are two types though; healthy and unhealthy.  In this blog we will use the Anger to mean unhealthy Anger and Annoyance to mean healthy Anger

Both Anger and Annoyance can be intense.  You can feel Anger or Annoyance with yourself, with another person or with life and the world. 

You can feel Anger or Annoyance about all sorts of things.  The following are typical triggers.   This is by no means a complete list of triggers.

  • Rejection
  • Unfairness
  • Disagreement
  • Lateness
  • Rudeness
  • Criticism
  • Failure
  • Insensitivity
  • Hassles e.g. traffic jams, weather etc
  • Having an emotional problem
  • And so on

 

How do you know if you are feeling Anger or Annoyance?

The easiest way to understand your emotions is to check your thoughts and your behaviour or behavioural tendencies when feeling the emotion. 

When you feel Anger towards someone you will tend to exaggerate the actions of the other person, who has broken your personal rule.  You will think that the other person had malicious intent.  You will think that you are absolutely right and the other person is definitely wrong and you will not see the other person’s point of view at all.  You mind will be focused on revenge.

When you feel Anger towards you will like attacking the other persona physically or verbally.  You will feel like paying them back e.g. ignoring them or staying silent.  You will feel like recruiting allies against the other person.  Apart from feeling like doing all of these things, sometimes you will actually do them.

If you are feeling Anger with yourself you will tend to be extremely hard on yourself, call yourself ‘idiot’, ‘stupid’ and other self damning words.  You will feel like punishing yourself or you will indeed punish yourself.

If feeling Anger due to life frustrations then you will feel high levels of frustrations, be damning of the life and situations or God.  You may feel like taking your frustration on furniture, dashboard of your car.

When you feel Annoyance with someone your thoughts will be more balanced and you are less likely to see malicious intent behind someone’s actions.  You will be more open to the possibility that you may be wrong, able to listen to the other person’s point of view.  You mind will not be pre occupied with seeking revenge.

When feeling Annoyance you will feel like talking and behaving assertively but it will be with the right intent of solving the conflict.  You will feel like asking the other person to make changes to their behaviour but you do not demand it. 

When you feel Annoyed with yourself you thoughts will be focused on the wrong thing that you did but without damning yourself.  Your mind set will be accepting of the fact that some mistake was made but you also see yourself as an imperfect person who will learn and move on.

If you are feeling Annoyance with life’s hassles, your mind set will be accepting of the fact that there are hassles and frustrations in life but you also think that you can cope with it even though it is a pain in the backside.

 

Tips

Accept yourself as fallible and imperfect.

Accept that other’s as fallible and imperfect.

Accept that hassles and frustrations exist and are part of life and that you can cope with them even though you find them challenging.

Emotion Blog Series #1: Anxiety and Concern

27 Jun

Anxiety is an unhealthy negative emotion provoked by holding an unhealthy belief or attitude about a real or perceived threat or danger to yourself, or to all that you value as significant to you.

Concern is the healthy version of anxiety.  Concern is a healthy negative emotion provoked by holding a healthy belief or attitude about real or perceived threat or danger to yourself, or to all that you value as significant to you.

anxiety

Anxiety is an unhealthy negative emotion

You can be anxious or concerned about many things.  Commonly people can be anxious or concerned about:

  • Success and failure
  • Approval
  • Criticism
  • Negative judgement
  • Making mistakes
  • Achievements
  • Anxiety itself
  • Emotional problems
  • Things not be just so i.e. perfectionism
  • Disorganisation
  • Physical health
  • Mental health
  • Death
  • And so on

How do you know if you are anxious or concerned?

When you feel anxious you will tend to exaggerate the overall effect of the threat or risk.  You will think terrible things will happen.  You also think that you won’t be able handle and deal with the bad thing if it was to happen.  For example, you will think that you won’t be able to handle failure.  You will tend to see the glass as half empty so your thoughts will be pessimistic focusing on the negatives.  Your thoughts will also be unhelpful to you and you will not be thinking in a constructive way.

When you are anxious you feel like avoiding and running away from the threat.  So if you are anxious about negative judgement, you may feel like avoiding doing anything that puts you at the risk of being negatively judged.  You will also feel like running away from the threat mentally by, for example, keeping yourself extra busy so you don’t have to think about what you are worried about.  You will also know if you are anxious because you may be doing superstitious things to get rid of what you are anxious about.   When you feel anxious you are more likely to get rid of the feelings by drinking too much, or medicating yourself in other ways.  Another sign of anxiety is assurance seeking, checking and asking people ‘do you think everything will be OK?’

If you are in a state of concern, the healthy version of anxiety, then you will tend to think in a more realistic way, keeping the effect of the danger or threat in perspective and you will have a balanced view about your ability to handle the problem if it was to happen.  You thoughts will be more solution focused and helpful.

In a state of concern you will tend to face what you are concerned about as opposed to avoiding it.  You will not be seeking constant assurance from others.

Think about what you deem as a risk or a threat and work out from the above explanation if you are anxious or concerned about it.

If you deem that you feel anxiety about some threats then mirror the concern attitude and behave in accordance with the behavioural tendencies of concern.  Repeat them until your notice an emotional shift.  This will feel uncomfortable and unusual at first.  This will means making your thinking realistic and letting go of avoidant behaviour.